A little place called home

Hope weighs heavy on his heart

As the silent soldier walks home,

His hands aren't bloodied by battles

And the scars aren't on for show

Many battles he may have won

Still many more he has lost

Fighting on for a losing cause

For deeper still lies the cost


Fighting on without know why

He lay his life on the line

While his world around him burned

He thought all at home was fine


As he returned home to a burnt nothing

His silently held in his tears

[Finally] His hope had given up on him,

And his heart lay bare all his fears

"For what have I fought for?" cried he,

As he cradled his dead infant in his arm

When I was out saving your hopes and dreams

You couldn't even save my family from harm


The silent soldier drew on his gun

And plunged his life into an eternal abyss

While an ungreatful country couldn't save his home

For his unborn son he couldn't even kiss...

Deflating corpulence

If you know me, you'd know how much I love jogging. And if you didn't know me, then I am a fitness freak. And if you've never met me, I am Brad Pitt's long-lost identical brother, Chad Pittanathan.
Hitting the gym was never a problem for me. But I am a misanthrope. Everything and everyone should be atleast in a radius of 3 feet away from me. I scrape against the wall as wafer-thin people walk past me in narrow corridors. The only thing I like touching me are my security blanket, when it provides me with warmth in the cool Bangalore nights.
So back to the gym - I used to be a regular jogger - @ 6 mins to a km, its not bad. Did that for about 7 months straight, sometimes even hitting the gym twice a day. Combined with a great common sense diet, it really helped me get into shape, and look better than ever before.

Suggested regimen - 25 mins of tough jogging - speed of your choice. Upper body exercises with free weights, situps, squats etc.
Morning diet : cornflakes, 6 almonds/walnuts (skimmed milk, half a spoon of sugar - no more)
Afternoon - 2 rotis, sabzis like chole, rajma, a bit of rice and curd
Night - salads, lots of veggies cut into a bowl, add salt and pepper and some lowfat dressing to taste. Some fruits - remember to fill in enough, else you will have a nagging feeling and fall into binge eating.
Last and the most important - control control control. Once your body reaches a certain metabolic state, it will automatically process junk food, provided you also exercise regularly.
And reward yourself once/twice a week, once you get results.
Happy running!

Top 5 things you don't want to hear...

COMING out of the airplane cockpit

5. I just got my commercial license today. I feel like a 16-year old again!!

4. Relax, so what if the engines are out. Today these babies practically fly themselves!!

3. Hey Herb, lookout the window. I need to find a place to park this thing before happy hour.

2. Hey Bob, look out for a gas station nearby, I think we're on fumes here!

1. Hey Osama, buddy, long time no see : So nice of you to drop into the cockpit, Say what's that? A box-cutter? GAwwwwkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk...

Jeehad, Lhasa Style..

So it looks like the long awaited, long expected, and extremely overdue conditions in China and the provinces it forcibly controls, has come to a simmer - not yet to a boil. But its only fair in a developing country, if you do not provide sustenance to locals, and religious freedom, there is only so much that even a monk can bear. Then, it doesn't matter if the regime is one of the most shamelessly courted dictatorial, martial and openly capitalist (under the garb of communist) in the world, people will fight back. Its only expected that the intensity of the fight picks up on both sides, since China has declared a "people's war" on the poor people.
India, and its pussilanimous incompetent septugenarian leaders, have issued peeps of "anxiousness", lest the communist cur pet-dogs start yapping at their ankles again. In a day and age of coalition politics, political gimmickery, one-upmanship and laxity (in the name of human rights) has taken over India's foreign policy.
India needs to ask the Dalai Llama to ship out. His presence is a nuisance to the country, and if his presence doesn't help solve the Tibet autonomy issue for the buddhists, there is no point in the expensive cost of hosting him and his followers. He spends most of his time in made-up Shangri-La's spouting unintelligent statements at conferences - he sure does have star value, but sadly little substance. For the man who once said, its good for Tibet to be under Chinese rule so we can suck on their growth and progress, its difficult to bring out any sympathy for him, very well knowing that the very people he lords over have given up decades of their lives in solitary confinement in People's Army concentration camps. Just ask the Falungong members, and you will know what persecution means.

Travails of being a woe-man!

Men - those chauvinistic attitudes, those ritualistic gawkers, those pontificating patriarchs - yes the very cream of the scum of humanity. Yet curiously at the pinnacle of almost all human achievement.
How can men be the cruelest of creatures, yet genteel and the most brilliant two legged product to climb out of nature's bosom of evolution?
Before feminists, christians and the assorted tater-tots of flag wavers and crusaders pick up cudgels questioning my "slant", lets put a few things straight
1. Men are violent - given a chance we'd solve technical discussions at software companies in the mosh pit with our bosses.
2. Men are gawkers - we check out anything in a skirt
3. Men are liars, cheats and snore in bed (and they also steal your covers>
4. They are bad liars, communicators, and anything involving talk, shopping and opera gives us a kidney stone or a brain aneurysm or a McDonald's combo of both!
5. Men are also the most brilliant, and amazing creators of anything and everything from art, science, literature - par excellence is the word I'd use - anyone else is a distant second.

Nature has created men for two things - getting home the proverbial bacon and procreating. Men are absolutely terrible at anything else. Evolution be damned, apart from the gay prissy crowds of fairies and pansies masqerading around with the all-male package and dabble in home decor and fashion, men know how to hunt - There are varied levels of hunting that we've adapted to over the centuries, but the intent and procedure is the same. Which is why men drive and strive to be awesome at work, because for them their work defines their success as a man. Ask any self-respecting man, anyone who is not satisfied with their work would have terrible emo problems, and its only natural for the bacon bringer to feel so, since his work defines him.

Men have been thrown into a complex mix of sensitivity and legal and moral baggage that is at odds with the testosterone laden cocktail that is the masculine brain. While I am apologetic of the majority of gawking eve-teasing cheap talking folks of my sex, we in India have adopted a double-speak policy on sexual liberation and traditionalism. We've progressed on neither, and what these sick eve-teasers are left with is images of skimpily clad bollywood imports, and shy prudes around them. Women obviously deserve more than these sorry excuses or sperm carriers.
Men have suppressed generations of emotionally coming out for fears of being seen as less masculine, not just by women, but by their peers. While women may see this as cleansing and making them feel lighter, men absolutely hate lowering their guard and being seen as weak or too weepy. Men do not have too many options and outlets for emotional outbursts, and since it is in the nature of women to be good talkers and listeners, they should let men come out without being judgemental. I think that helps in building healthy emotional relationships.

What a night of driving..

Had to drop the birthgivers at the airport tonight - hmm bad timing!
Bangalore was in the clutch of just 20 minutes of rain as I started out, but her gutters overfloweth with the love from her guts that looked liked a belching intestine!
Disabled vehicles were aplenty, and the occasional kannadiga walking across outer ring road in the absence of anything even remotely close to street lights all along up until aiport road, meant playing a dangerous game of dare - I wouldn't push the pedal beyond 45kmph, and the people behind me, surprise o surprise gladly obliged, since everyone was as blind as a bat in a cave at midnight.
Oppressively bad roads and impossibly crude waste managament, lack of sewerage contributed to atleast 1-2 feet water stagnating everywhere, and my heart goes out to the brave albiet foolish two wheelers who took to the roads tonight. I salute your spirit, and I hope you get back home to your loved ones, but please don't venture out on nights like these. Hopefully common sense prevailed over the hoi polloi, and we'd see some sane driving in namma Bengaluru.. I can't imagine if this were Devanahalli aiport, I'd not only not be home before mid-night, I'd also have a dislocated spine from all the bending, wiping, hooting, clutching, braking & the like-gripe.
Have a safe night tonight Bengaluru, rise and shine tomorrow!

International Woman's day

Its a day for the propogandists to further their "cause" - what exactly that may be is left open to interpretation - preferential treatment, sops, reservation, freebies. Pile it on, I'm in minority, and I want to make the most of it!
So we have an "International" Woman's Day - as in not national or pan national or SAARC, but "International". When there is a desperate need to highlight the plight of women in backward socio-economic conditions, the agenda get hijacked by non-self made rabid feminists, women who got rich through bequeathing the family crown, socialites, models and a pot pourri of high-flying bimbos.
The greatest victory for men worldwide from the bra-burning "liberated" feminists of yore, proclaiming sexual independence was much more than ages of partiarchy could ever achieve for them. When women screamed the shrillest that they don't want to be judged for having multiple sexual partners, men had hit the proverbial jackpot - every woman who wanted a booty call, could just call on a man, "More power to women" sniggered men.
There are major women issues in this country, which are attributed to rabidly patriarchial backward (emotionally, not just financially) attitudes, that need to be broached, brought out into the open and stomped out
1. Female infanticide, foetecide
2. Lack of financial independence which hurts independent partner selection
3. Trafficking of women
Over-priced bimbos on bollywood silver-screens who charge over 5 million rupees for vulgar dance numbers that serve no purpose than to tittilate audiences are the worst ambassadors for women. Such women cannot claim discrimination, its ironic, since the very demand of the business is something akin to flesh trading, and it would be best that they either do something positively for their backward sisters in the country or just stop paying lip-service.
Attitudes towards women will never change due to socio-biological factors. It is not that a man chooses to be a chauvinist, as much as an independent woman chooses to be a feminist, and no matter the development strides we make as a civilization, we are still slaves to our animal instincts. Animals in nature carry out gender roles, so how are we any different. The solution to the problem lies in accepting and catering to differences, not trying to force stereotypical templates of neutered & sterile manhood on the not-so-fairer sex.

Safety First, s'il vous plait

My gripe with car companies in India, either Indian or foreign is that their approach towards safety goes for a complete toss. I consider an approach towards safety as a two pronged approach
1. Mention of crash-test results from either tests in India or abroad
2. A safety-centric approach during marketing of their product to consumers
Countries like America do not allow cars to get on to their roads unless they pass specific road safety tests to make it crash-worthy. Which is quite optimistic considering most interstates enforce a 70mph (*65 is most states, unlimited with restrictions in some others) speed limit - which is far less than the total absence of control in India selling the camries, accords, and beemers to eager beaver yuppie Indian customers.
Now in India even people forking out 20 lakhs don't know that cars need to be built for safety. And that means a strong chassis, crumple zones, air-bags, ABS
and other things. In fact safety in India is always an "option" and thrown in only in high-end vehicles. And most companies dont seem to be selling those features, because they know the number of cars sold in this category will be few, and paying lip-service to safety may get the occassional US-returned NRI to buy the car.
We can debate the driving habits of Indian cabbies all we want - what is not pardonable is that when you had an option to save yourself, car companies did nothing to push up prices a bit and make these features as standard. Its ironic, that these features are required in India a lot more than they would in a more disciplined driving environment.
Coming back to point 2, I wish to dissect a few car ads
1) Ford Fiesta - guy lights up some torches using his car , shows that he does 120kmph in what seems to me a distance less than 50m - If you use simple kinetics, I am not very sure you can achieve this, but that's another folly of the ad. Ad sends no sense of value of the product and in fact glorifies bad driving, skidding, and near misses
2) Maruti Suzuki Swift - Boss takes the employee's car for a spin without his permission - Ok, that is strike one, I don't care if you are the CEO of my company, but you are not touching my wheels without my permission - A few outrageous spins, and 360 donuts later the boss comes back in one piece.
3) Chevrolet Aveo - Saif and Rani, your brains have been screwed on backwards - why is Saif trying to overtake you, like a Punjabi on testosterone? And then he drives backwards - I get no information on the product, and the ad is definitely a seller for how not to drive to impress chicks (which is also the outcome).
4) Hyundai i10 - When not baring his fabulously GAY 6-pack, Shahrukh eggs on blondes in Kawasakis to race his 66 hp i10 somewhere in Powai, Mumbai. Fallacy exposed. His first question to the bombshell is "Wanna race" - I URGE ALL READERS WITH VEHICLES - Please go through details of your vehicular insurance to read the following lines "Other than willful racing OR Organized speed trials" as a disclaimer for insurance payouts - what you are doing is not only ILLEGAL. but also doesn't get you a single paisa when you crash and burn.
5) Skoda- White skinned man, races against an F-16. Fallacy exposed - lets not go there. Its sickening. Probably not as bad as the others, but still pretty irresponsible from the Czech/Germans.

There are over a 1,00,000 people in this country who die out of avoidable accidents. We need driver discipline on the streets and corporate responsibility in the boardrooms. Only then we can not worry everytime a loved one gets late from work, that they haven't been overrun by some heavy vehicle, or atleast a well-designed vehicle and seatbelts has saved a loved ones' life.

If you meet me..

Some of my favorite quips:
1> Sweet...
2> That's right!
3> Gawd Damnit!!
4> Oh my Gawd, you guys..
5> Well, you know...
6> Sweet Jesus..
In the words of the great Bartholemew Simpson, "Eat my shorts"..

Worshipping False Idols..

Its just been a fantastic season 7 on American Idol so far - 2008 has the hottest - most talented bunch of artists on the stage easily since the show was conceived.
Just didn't like all the african-american artists on display this season though - bad song choices, and bad arrangements definitely.
Its just too close to call for me - and this time the guys are definitely giving the best of the girls a run for their money, with their performances.. Its the only show worth watching every week.
I still think ejecting Alaina Whitaker was a stupid thing to do, and then you start to wonder what ever happens to artists who kind of lose their way to the top 3 or 4.
I thought the man from my home state North Carolina, absolutely rocked with his rockin' Elvis & Jon Bon Jovi. He is now a good recording artiste now, but very few are lucky to scope out a contract..