Swine Flu

Ladies and Gentlemen,
Have a look at this picture below. Do you think this cute little fella could ever harm you?



Did you say cull him? As Homer once said [Homer as in Simpson, not the poet] : You can't kill him if he is wearing people clothes.. And then Spider Pig, Spider Pig, but I digress.

So I asked my girlfriend when she would put out - last she said "When Pigs fly". Well its "Swine Flew" - close enough for me - I am going to go ask her for some lovin'.
Arrivederci!!!!

Accidentally...

I was on my way to grab some spirituality and a meal on my way back.
Right about on the road that leads to purple haze and a clutch of seemingly half drunk drivers ducking and weaving, and a toyota corolla in front of me slams the brakes - too late for the thunderbird which stops like the Queen Mary - My bike skidded and slipped under the corolla's boot. So while I am extricating myself, a mild mannered guy steps out of the car and quips : "He braked too hard" - I said what can I do - then without a thought to whether I was okay or not, proceeds to check underneath the boot of his precious fu#@ing vehicle. I told him - don't fuc@#ing panic - its okay, and of course it was. My fender caught a bit of the paint, and looks like the fork has taken a slight beating in the mangled mess - and my foot and back dont feel very good either. All this for a traffic incident at 20 km/hr. I need to sleep this off, and the bike needs a visit to the shop to check for any damages. Not a great start to the week, I'd say!

ICC World T20 2013 : SWAT

Greetings and Salutaitons from Mingora, capital of the SWAT valley, lying on the western border of lovely and safe Pakistan.

Khidmat Hussain, Governer of the valley of SWAT said : "Our lovely state has offered to the ICC to host the 2013 ICC World T20 Championship. We expect this move to help justify the universal understanding of the SWAT area as the most peaceful place on earth. Our denizens are lover of the game of cricket and appreciate a good game between the Muslims and the Kafirs."

Meanwhile ICC Chariman Shri Sharad Pawar, who besides holding onto positions as BCCI Chief, and Prime Minister of India [in that freak election in 2009 where the Jaago Re campaign cause such frivolous voting from confused youngsters, it led to a three way tie, and all the pseudo secular parties decided to shove the biggest blackmailer into the position of power, aka Shir Sharad Pawar], recently agreed to tour SWAT in a cursory move to review the security situation in the area. However, what he said was not very clear to the media since his lips now dangle from left to right - a lot more han before, because of which no body but no body knows what India's official stance is on any position since 2009.

The Australians earlier were up in arms over the move from moving the ICC World T20 championship from Australia to SWAT. Cricket Australia chairman Andrew Symonds threatened to blow up the ICC office in Kilinochi, while CA chief spokesperson Matthew Hayden called Sharad Pawar an "obnoxious little weed". Also ex-captain Ricky Ponting called this a "cheap shot by the big bloke" in apparently a response to Sharad Pawar being shoved off the victory podium during the Aussie victory of an ICC Champions Trophy back in 2007.
This was in response to the ICC fact-finding team's assessment on the security situation in Australia as "very grim". Australian Prime Minister Loud Howard cursed the 2009 American induced re-settlement plan of the Taliban in the Western Australian desert as "biggest bloody mistake" in the "great history of Australia". When questioned about the "felony past" of Australians Prime Minister Howard called it a "racist sub-continental concoction".
Meanwhile SWAT valley is scheduled to host the biggest gala event of the cricket millenium. With the resettlement of the Taliban in Western Australia, Pashtun women are now free to compete for positions as cheer-leaders for various teams. Some teams have vowed to carry their own cheer-leading squad, especially the Afghanistan team which has teamed up with the Dallas Cowboys. Meanwhile the Indian contingent has refused to send their cheer leading squad after Pramod Muthalik, now Indian MOS for Culture and Vice Prevention deemed such activities as Un-Indian.
So the stage is all set for an amazing game of cricket during the SWAT summer. American President Sarah Palin has herself vowed to come down and have a look at the "hot diggity dog its just like baseball" and inaugurate the great sporting event. Meanwhile women from Buner's PIM [Pakistan Institute of Manamgement for Women] are looking at ways at making this event a commercial success as part of their finaly year project study. All in all the T20 showcases the logistical ability of SWAT to conduct this event with no untoward incidents whatsoever, and gives a chance for the people of war-torn countries like Australia and England to have their hearts opened to the hospitable people of SWAT.

Dagger through the Heart

Scars of your angry words
A schism in my heart
Turned my world upside-down
And tore my life apart

Where were you in my misfortune?
Where were you in my pain?
Dithered to stand beside me
Was this love all in vain?

If all you ever wanted
Was what I never had
O'why did we have this drama
Of a love we nev'er had?

As you walk out that door
Into the world, cold and dark
I feel the seething pain
Of that dagger thru' my heart

SWAT Cats

Does anyone recall the SWAT Kats? Or was it SWAT Cats? It used to play around on TV during the late 90's - and I always recall watching it eating an tomato-onion uthappam delciously lobbed by my dear loving mother. Was it after I came back from college? Oh, I don't know - it was the cable age, but there still weren't reality shows like MTV Hero Honda Roadies around, so I guess SWAT Kats [or was it SWAT Katz now, I am really confused] would have to make do.
I only recall T-Bone and Razr [or was it Razor - is that what inspired the Moto Phone?], and a hardassed cop whose city was policed with loads of choppers. The Kats had a combat aircraft which pretty much bordered on the looking like F-14 Tomcat but flies like a Britsh Navy Harrier and flight dynamics of a F-35 with the computing power of the internet stashed away somewhere. Very impressive.

10 years on and this is the only picture I can get of the SWAT Kats : Grrrrrrrrrrrr!!!



So here is my song, an ode, a tribute to the gentle people of SWAT valley, the true radical squadron...

I get up in the morning
To the sound of the azaan
Every morning is Allah's blessing
For my day is really really fun

I am part of the virtue squadron
We have duty everyday
We pick up men with moustaches
And shaven freaks along the way

We impose the law of Sharia
In the valley of lovely SWAT
For that is the word of Muhammed
I know the Qu'ran by heart

Beating up defensless women
Who in public they'd be seen
With men who aren't relatives
Or showing off a bit of skin

Allah praise SWAT valley
We are imposing His holy word
Soon inshallah we will rule
With the letter of the sword

Who cares about education
Schools for women are a waste
Get caught with a book in SWAT
And lashes turn you into paste

Don't hate us for it
Allah wishes and we do
Just look at your family member
Who is holding you down too

So Allah Praise SWAT
The Switzerland of the East
And down with democracy
Coz its such a fu!@ing Beast !!!!

IPL, Part Deux

What would make the IPL even more interesting
1. Absence of Bimbettes and Male Bimbos on Sony's Set MAX hosting shows, half-time intervals and tactical breaks. If I want glamor I am anyway watching the white skinned South African Blondes shake their stuff.
2. NDTV stops shouting why IPL2 is all the rage in south africa by force feeding Indian cricket down a tube in every "indian origin" south african. "Oh, we love Indian culture" coos on dreadlocked brown girl "Aishwayrya, Amitabh Bachchan" - yes we all are proud of our 35 years of civilization thank you very much descendant of coolies.

IPL is an IPL - no matter where the carnival goes. Trouble is how the BCCI and the team owners recover their cost. Come to think of it, I don't understand beyond the cost of the winning team's cheque what else does a team lying say 7th or 8th lose over the guys who come in first? More airtime perhaps? It seems to me that this is a place where Shah Rukh always trumps India Cement Chairman for sheer popularity [or poor taste of the desi crowd, but hey I don't have a six-pack, who am I to begrudge him that!?].
My pick for the year as was last year was the Chennai Super Kings simply because captain cool Dhoni is in chage. However, Dhoni has turned out to be like one of those project leads in IT Companies - he wants to be a team lead, but doesn't want to do any hands on work. He will tell the fielders where to stand, bring on the right bowlers and shuffle the batting order, but will not do anything by himself with the bat. Heck that is sad for a guy who cracks over a million dont you think? And what has Andrew Freddie Flintoff done for CSK so far - he has looked the worse player - perhaps Morkel has something to say about that, but atleast he isnt overpaid - and now he is heading home with an injury. People were right - he is a tremendously overrated player. Pity though, buying him still isnt the worst decision made.
Meanwhile the Deccan Chargers seem to get better with each outing, and that is good to see - especially since the Indian talent over there is doing its job too.
Who wants the elections anyway? Its the same thing - either the crook or the thief lords over you - just get over this democratic farce and give us folks some good entertainment. I was keen on watching atleast one or two of the CSK home matches this year - but stupid P Chidambaram had to throw it all away.
Side note : Tennis Australia has refused to send a team to placid chennai citing security concerns for which they will get docked both money and playing rights for a year. Hahahah - talk about shooting yourself in the foot. Good riddance, we dont want your convicts setting our stadium on fire.

Ragging : Myths and Myths

A kid from Kerala studying at Coimbatore's PSG college is almost blinded. His injured eyes are a pain to look at. I really feel for the poor kid.
His "seniors" asked him to lick their boots and part with Rs.3000/-. IS this ragging? Or is this extortion, hooliganism and attempted murder?
There are quite a few folks who extol the "virtues of ragging".

Myth 1. Ragging makes you a man/woman. You become independent and can fend for yourself
Where is the fu#@ing bravery when 10 oversized seniors pounce on a kid who can't even find his way around campus? You tell me what ritual such as undressing, or being brutally beaten up, or even doing a song or a dance have to do with making a man out of someone. And if they aren't then who the f#$k are these seniors to turn them into men/women - is this some form of social service we are unaware of in society?

Myth 2. Ragging brings seniors and juniors closer : I got to know my senior better after he made love to me.
At the end of the day leveraging power to abuse someone does not bring people closer. It simply creates a dependency between two people and you can get eternal subservience from the other person. If you have to go through a hazing ritual to be friends, such friends are not worth having at all.

Myth 3. Ragging is ragging.
Ragging is a polite term for sexual, mental, verbal and physical abuse. This is a harsher crime that actually crosses multiple boundaries of illegality, and hence should have the harshest punishment, including the death penalty to be applied depending on the circumstances. Can you imagine the pain Mr. Kachroo's father has to go through to light the funeral pyre of his son, and fight in the Supreme court, just to get the management kick out the useless Principal of the college. Its another matter how he has to deal with the murderers of his son.

Myth 4. There are varying degrees of ragging.
Who the heck are you to decide it? Stay away from the juniors when they join college. Let them find their own way around. If you have been boned by your seniors, it doesnt give you the right to go about raising hell in the lives of poor kids who've come to the college.

Myth 5. Ragging prevents students from "mixing" together
If you are bent of boning new kids, you better not be allowed to get close to them. IF your intentions are indeed noble, time will allow for you to be respected and to engage in some fruitful friendships with the newbies.

Student who are involved in ragging are like vultures - you could see them hang around campus and attempt to harangue anyone and everyone who passes their way in the initial days of college. Law enforcement should be allowed inside colleges to curb with this menace. When kids know someone is watching their back, they can go ahead with the task of getting used to college life. Because ragging sure as hell isn't going to help them.

Anatomy of the 21st Century Indian Male

Respect Women - No Questions Asked...

In Michael Moore's Sicko - and very often in life they say the true character of a country can be judged by how it treats its weakest. To me it applies to how it treats its women as well. The more I find the oxymoron of Indians worshipping women dieities true, the more ugliness I find in the behavior of its men towards women. It's been a terribly sickening Saturday morning when I open a newspaper and all I find is violence against women, of such depravity, it nearly made me throw up.
Unfortunately, the way in which Indian men and women themselves treat the women of this country is downright disgusting. I find that this is not just systemic bias, but just like its caste system, its some sort of latent hatred towards women - which pours out in each and every activity men do - and each and everything they say to them - its down right patronizing tone and revolting undercurrents. I do not understand how you cannot do any value judgement of your significant others in life! This creeps through all strata of society - women with no economic independence and no say in the role of planning their family fall prey to the debauchery of men all over.
Its an endemic plague afflicting society, and I find this abuse is very strongly tied to the absence of economic and sexual freedom for women - The moment this happens and women have greater say in choosing who their partners are and when they are interested in family, it would lead to lesser of this abuse - but the scope for exploitation still exists - as long as we have a nation full of pimps - either in the family or outside of them.
There is no new reason I need to give for asking the men of this country to stop this brazen and disgusting violence and repression of women - What the Taliban did to the woman in SWAT is just a mirror of what happens in our country as well - there is real good scope to give women the freedom they deserve in making decisions and of course they will make mistakes - but then who doesn't. We need special laws against this subjugation of 1/2 of our country, and unless we do, forget super power status - we won't respect ourselves as a nation.
It needs a serious change of attitude of the lot. Easier said than done!