Hand on Cheek

The MP tours his constituency
Surrounded by sycophantic drones
Was pissed by a bank manager
Who wasn't dispersing friendly loans

Quoth he:
"They press my arms and legs
They bring me my tea
How come you don't dispense loans
To folks who are SC and ST?"

Upon which the manager [supposedly]
Opened up his canteena flask
"Bugger off MP" he sipped & said,
"Welfarism just ain't my task!"

Furious was the MP,
Whose writ had been ditched
So he went ballistic on the manager
And slapped him like a bitch

But when the public demanded answers
The MP went meek
"All I ever wanted" claimed the MP
"Was to caress his soft cheek"

Somehow it seemed all-right
Since the repeal of article 377
That the MP would tug another's cheek
And send him straight to gay heaven!

Other arguments by the MP to make a press statement but were weeded out :
1. I just wanted to say : Coochie Coo!
2. I just wanted to tug his cheeks and say : Chooo Chweeeeet!
3. His cheek repeatedly hit my outstretched hand! He hit me! I am the victim!
4. I have split personality disorder. My alter-ego is Harbhajan Singh.
5. What do you mean he is not Ramalinga Raju?
6. I just wanted to show that the man has a lot of cheek!