Holier Than Thou

He who chants the Vedas the Loudest
Gets moksha from the Endless cycle
of Life and Death and Life again...

He who pays through his nose
To get a darshana of the Lord
Is truly blessed,
And promised a place in Heaven

He who truly wishes to gaze,
Upon the radiant face of the Lord,
Shall have to push fellow believers,
And such a one is truly blessed in afterlife

From : The Fake Bhagwad Gita, not the spoken word of Lord Krishna.
Hinduism, and in essnce followers and believers of the Hindu Holy Trinity, often realize that their "salvation" or "moksha" lies not in mass communal gatherings and prayer. It is an individualistic path one must tread in order to attain the Bhramana.
This is both a vital, as well a selfish [selfish, not in the bad sense] way or attaining spirituality, but thats the way it is ordained in Hinduism. Now with a population of 800 million of the faithful, it is a tough job giving your fellow Hindus a leg up on attaining moksha.
That simply ends up in the madness that is seen in Hindu temples all over India and especially south India. People run all over each other in an attempt to gaze at the Lord, and more over if its a special festive occassion or a special occassion based on the phase of the moon it gets doubly worse. More people have died in their attempt to break the damned cycle than ever before.
Prayer chanting at temples is supposed to be either done by the priests. What ticks me off is when people sit down in areas clearly earmarked "Dhyanam" they get their little cellular phones - which arent exactly allowed inside temples - and start playing off spiritual music. And also, keep the mantra chanting to yourself, or in the vicinity of your home. Rigorous vedic chanting once in a few months in the temple is not going to give you and vimochana - except it might add to your bad karma from all the curses you'd get from the people around you. Please leave your Holier than thou attitude at home. We are all here to pray, some a little, some a little more - lets not rub it in to each other's faces!
Hinduism's curious case of leaving each to his own creates a spiritual rat race we see in temples all over India. The amount of money these temples make is unbelievable, and the followers are utterly oblivious as to who lines their pockets with the gold and money - the amount if put directly to charity can do a lot of good. Temples do function as charitable trusts, but the question of accountability still remains. Seeing the conditions in which most temples are kept, it is pretty clear absolutely nothing goes into their maintenance.
Clearly these people want you to attain spirituality, by giving away all your worldly posessions to them. Sounds like a scam!

The Wonder Years

I was watching one of the umpteen re-runs of the Wonder Years one evening. And I thought to myself - if as a kid growing up in the halycon socialist days of yesteryear India, I were to make a movie/tele-serial on my life how would it pan out to be?

Aaah, the 80's - the decade in which I was born into - the decade that had Cyndi Lauper's she-bopping minus Hanson's umm-bopping - what a decade of cultural upheavel - a decade that bridged the divide between the uber cool swinging' 70's and the uber-modern 90's [we had cable TV for chrissakes!]. The decade where if you wanted the answer to a question you turned up to your dad or mom and asked : Where do babies come from? or When was the International Labor Organization founded? Sadly you parents weren't exactly wise to answer either question, and after some humming and hawing they bought you one of those "General Knowledge 1987" books - books on current issues and event? Don't we call that a www.cnn.com ticker these days?

Those days growing up were tough. No TV and definitely no internet. The TV was a queer thing - we had a TV which had 16 channels - 15 actually, and one earmarked for the VCR. The remote control used to weigh a brick and very often my brother or I have used it to give each other concussions during our numerous fights. My VCR had a remote too - except instead of working on Infra-red, it was actually a wire connected to a VCR port - wow! That was really lame.

In the 80's all technology was smuggled and/or purchased from "Foreign" - which was code word for Dubai or Singapore or the US of A. Customs officers had all the time on their slovenly hands to emasculate anyone who brought in a piece of technology : it didn't even matter if it were a 2-ex-or gate or a North Korean missile muncher. As a country our govenment was socialist by profession, capitalist by confession and Stalinist by obsession. Buying anything good in those days always attracted a penalty from the Government - but that was only because nobody in India ever really paid Income Tax in those days.

So in the 80's we were Socialist [spread the poverty], and hence we had two Government authorized channels : DD1 and DD2. DD1 was more of the heavy duty stuff, usually meant for adults - occassionally if a leader died you'd know : because some nondescript Sarangi player biled his guts out on the telly. Which meant no entertainment programming for a few hours - you were forced to mourn the death of the guy! How dare you otherwise! DD2 was the yuppier of the two, and typically carried more entertainment programming - like 1 hour of ramayana per week or one hindi movie every Saturday evening - something which brought the whole nation's kitchens to a standstill, and then mahabharatha. I still re-call waiting 7 whole days for 30 mins of HE-MAN every Sunday evening. Or for that 30 mins of "Jonny Sokko and his Flying Robot" every Tuesday evening - which was a Japanese dubbed sci-fi from the late 50's and early 60's : Eastman color in all its GLORY!
DD had all the trappings of Nazi-like indoctrination when it came to programming. Usually it was under the guise of the National Film Center for Kids or some other government gobble-de-gook department whose clear mission was to teach us the virtues of sharing, and that posession of material property was evil. We had such great imports as Hungarian cartoons, Romanian puppetry, East German slapstick and other Soviet Bloc imports - if the Kremlin Politburo didn't approve of it, we couldn't see it.
I recall spending my summer holidays literally doing nothing most days except play in the mornings and evenings. The afternoons were mostly spent trying to do pansy things - like draw or paint or read comics. Sometimes my mom would pop in an old cartoon in the VCR. If I got bored, I'd swing my bat around and play pretend cricket. But the best entertainment was if my brother was around we'd fight. And then my Dad would come and beat the crap out of us for ruining his afternoon siesta. But mostly that. We weren't burdened by tuitions or coaching classes or learning or doing something that kids these days are forced into.
My life panning out as a tele-serial would suck - so would any kid who'd grown up with me in the miserable and god-awful decade called the 80's.
Well, all it does it makes me appreciate what I have today.

Good Jokes

Here are some good ones I picked off the web :
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HOW JEWS GOT TEN COMMANDMENTS


God went to the Arabs and said, "I have Commandments for you that will make your lives better."

The Arabs asked, " What are Commandments? Can you give us an example?"

God said, " For example ............ . Thou shall not kill."

The Arabs were shocked, "What? Not kill? No way! Killing and massacaring innocent people is our birth-right and the only reason for our existence.. No, we are not interested. "

So God went to the Africans and said, " I have Commandments. "

The Africans wanted an example.

God said, "For example ........... Honor thy Father and Mother."

The Africans were dismayed. They said, " Father? Yo maan! Can't tell for sure who our fathers are, maan!"

So God went to the Mexicans and said, "I have Commandments. "

The Mexicans wanted an example.

God said, " For example ........... Thou shall not steal."

The Mexicans were flabbergasted. They said, " No steal? No steal?? Hey Senor, we no steal then how we live, huh? Gracias, but no! "

So God went to the French and said, "I have Commandments. "

The French wanted an example.

God said, "For example ............ . Thou shall not commit adultery."

The French were stunned. They said, "What? Not commit ze adultery ....... ? Non, non, non. Non Monsieur. Pardonnez nous. We, ze French, must have ze romance. "

So God went to the Jews and said, "I have Commandments. "

The Jews asked, "Commandments? How much do they cost?"

God replied, "Nothing. They are free."

The Jews answered, "Good. We shall take Ten! "

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In the city of New York, a pet but vicious Rottweiler dog attacks small child. A brave soul pounces on the Rottweiler and saves the child. Soon the media and the Press are at the site and are busy interviewing this brave lad.

“See the newspaper tomorrow“ says a Press Reporter. “You will see yourself in the headlines as The Brave New Yorker saves a child from a vicious dog”

“But” says our young man “I am not a New Yorker”

“Don’t worry “ says another Press Reporter “But you will be in tomorrow’s headlines as The American saves a child from a vicious dog”

“But” says our young man “I am not an American, I am a Pakistani”

The headlines next day read

The Vicious Pakistani Attacks A Pet Dog

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Yeh hai Chennai, Chennai Soober Kings!

Chennai - is a wretched city. And I use the word wretched with all the love and reverence that the word doesn't deign to carry. Chennai evokes mixed emotions almost as much as Mumbai does, but I guess a few degrees less on the passion scale. No other Metropolitan city in India comes close when it comes to defining character. Kolkattans outshout but that hardly changes the truth. Delhi has few takers. Bangalore is a mosh pit. Hyderabad is like a blunt blade with the pulse of a 90 year old.
Chennai evokes hatred as much as it does appreciation - simply because no one deigns to humor the occasional north Indian who has stumbled across this weird city with as much as a schmidgen or Hindi. Athu Sellathu.. The Lingua France is Tamil, rest be damned . I just read a quote from 1959 in the Deccan yesterday which had Nedunchuzhian of the DMK saying : English should be made the language of operation all over India. 50 years later we've regressed into a Mulayam Singh wanting the abolishment of computers. Bravo Democratic India!
The CSK team seems to reflect the laid back intensity of the city. There are no people running behind buses, waiting for trains or simply in a hurry to go someplace. Everyone seems to have time to stare at the odd traffic accident, provide advice to total and complete strangers, and sometimes go forth and help people in need - it has all the essential qualities of a quaint town just with better roads and richer people. Of course there is a huge degree of indiscipline and it just frustrates you so much you could be bald with the callousness of people.
The IPL team reflects the attitude of the city. Filmy stylish, flashy but mostly chilled without a hint of pumped up intentsity and aggro. Trying to coast on hard work rather than brilliance. Watching L Balaji's run up is next only to hearing a Mercedes Engine crank up :-). And commentators and player after player acknowledge the sportsmanship of the Chennai crowd as opposed to the extremely partisan crowds elsewhere in India.
Chennai is no Mumbai - it clicks for those who want life in a little slow mo. Give me idli-vadai over zunka-bhakar anyday.

CSK Update

Today is CSK vs the Kings XI . The Kings XI is leading an awesome fightback as I write.
I am among the legion of "fans" of the CSK team.
Today their walloping of the Punjab bowlers was a sight to behold. The more I see Suresh Raina, the more I think this kid has one awesome future and holds the key to Indian cricket in the next decade. "Stylish left-hander" is an oxymoron but just watching him pull the ball is an absolute treat [next only to watching Yuvi belt a long hop]. Matthew Hayden to me, remains the most under-rated player of the past decade. This man strikes the fear of God into bowlers, and this IPL is all about him - he has almost never failed, and it was sad seeing him get caught for 89. Sreesanth is a coward and a moron, and someone should just ban him from ever playing any competitive cricket - his send-off of Haydos who thrashed him for 20+ in that over was childish and boorish. Can we have some Match Referee intervention here?
Dhoni who has had a terrible IPL2 until the match before last, suddenly finds the best time to hit form. To me Mahi is one of those players who don't really have the god given talent of other "higher" players like Yuvraj or Sachin, but he is a one in a generation act. History is going to be kind to him in a decade from now, where he trades in the lack of pure talent for a cricketing brain that none of his gifted peers can ever come close to possessing. Which is what makes him a clear headed leader. Somehow the best leaders have been the ones lower on cricketing talent than their team mates but have the ability to gauge the game a lot better - Allan Border is one such example - not only did he inspire the great Aussie resurgance of the 90's he did so by going about his job very quitely. How is it that no one remembers him as the highest run getter in test matches, and everyone fawns over Sunil Gavaskar? Why is it that Tendulkar failed to inspire despite his fans screaming and drowning out any nay-sayers?
It just takes a little more than mere talent to lead men. Talent itself cannot inspire. True leaders are made of something else.

So the following items were of significant consequnce for the week ending 2nd May 2009

1. DK followers stone Army convoys allegedly carrying supplies for the Lankan army
MY question - who pays for the damage? The quarry was nothing but supplies and tents and chairs. Why did the drivers/jawans go on a rampage beating up both media and innocent bystanders. If criminal proceedings are in order against DK/PDK then a court marshall is in order against the jawans for not showing restraint. Or the ones who were in command of such hooliganists army personnel.

2. Ajmal Amir Muhammid Kasab/Kasav is not a minor, makes demands!
At the end of this trial, Pakistan gets a new insight into how the famed Indian justic system works. The next bunch of attacked will be brought in a few days shy of their 18th birthday, and will have certified copies of their birth certificates from
Pakistani hospitals pinned on their lapels in case, non-Inshallah one comes out alive. Then he goes straight to juvi - and comes out when he is like what 21? Oh and according to NHRC he will also get a right to vote. And mostly vote for the secular parties. And possibly contest the elections as he turns 25. Since that is necessary to reform people who have strayed from the path of Indian righteousness. Bakwaas. Someone can give ajmal some H2S04 or poison ivy in an attar bottle - let him spray himself with it.

3. Manmohan Singh says "Q" harassed enough, let him [and the Gandhi's] live in peace
Manmohan pleading on behalf of his Masterni - please leave her alone, and hence Mr. Q as well - nobody is going to do anything about this 30 year old case. The CBI has received funding for such period to work on a project and has fuelled the subsidized lives of 1000's of investigating officers, CBI heads, press-wallahs, typists and so on. Justice delayed is justic won - for the delayers.

4. Voting in Mumbai shocks propah newspapers and psephologists.
Heat isnt the cause of the Mumbai voter not coming out. Surprisingly a large part of Mumbai is slum. 70% slum. Nothing the poor ever wants gets done. The middle class would probably have voted on the same number patterns as 2004. Which just goes to show it won't take anything short of an act of God to make Indians vote int his farcical democracy.

5. Swine Flu as elusive as KKR Victory
Where is this Swine Flu? People, poultry, animals have been harassed enough. People call the flu H1N1 and not swine flu anymore. And its an over exaggerated hype coming in from WHO. It is not a pandemic if 100 people die from it - More people probably die across the world from sneezing and cracking their ribs. And according to some Indian docs, Tamiflu/Relenza are not effective in combating this strain. Makes sense to stop Americans/ Mexicans/ other affected countries from sending their crap over here. All passengers to be screened at both port of embarkment and destination. If you are sick dont travel or prepare to be deported.
Fake IPL player is more interesting than KKR combined. McCullum shows the power of binary in his scores. Ganguly shows that if he can't lead he wont bother as an individual contributor - he is taking a leaf out of MSD's book : MSD's batting is now getting on my nerves.
And CSK needs to get rid of Jacob Oram, he sucks.